How to Suck Honey at a Warrior’s Party

‘Ugh…! Why am I so good at this…!

I fumed, and continued to explore the dungeon’s hidden paths.

I hadn’t given up on my lazy life yet.
I still had hope that I could turn things around.
It’s just an emergency now, and it can’t be helped.

It’s all the Devil’s fault.
Right? Why did you try to confront him? You’re a boss mob!

I’m definitely not the one who made you work so hard to get through the dungeon! I tried so hard to be lazy…!

“This way.
Warrior.”

A hint of bitterness seeped into my words.
Maybe the dean was right when he said I should learn to hide my upset.
My tone changed, even though I didn’t want him to know I was upset.
I felt a little embarrassed, even though he, a true leader, was pretending not to notice.

“Cylon is good at everything.”

The warrior continued to praise me.
If this were a stage, a spotlight would have fallen on my head.

My heart was beaming from his praise, and I couldn’t help but laugh as he clapped his hands to lift my spirits again, but I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t feel good because I knew I had to work harder.

I can’t say I didn’t feel like I should have tried harder, because they were cheering me on with such enthusiasm, and it felt kind of mean to throw cold water on them.

If there was one consolation, though, it was that I was on the right track.

What I thought was a long corridor turned out to be a kind of filter net.
If I went straight ahead, I’d fall off a cliff and never see the depths of the dungeon.
However, if I went into any of the paths that connected to the walls, I would find myself in a different maze.

I’m too good at everything to be useless, so I’m analyzing the magic circuits on the wall to figure out the right way to go.

Just in case, I sent a giant magic shield into the air to ask the sylph.
The sylph wrote down that Reg and Herrin were on the right path with his guidance.

After passing through the wall, the maze appeared to be a fairly standard maze.
You know, the usual ones, with forks in the road, doors appearing out of nowhere, sensory disturbances, and mobs appearing out of nowhere.

However, when I noticed that each fork in the road had a slightly different magic circuit, I knew this was no ordinary maze.

Analyzing the magic circuits gave me a hint as to which path was the right one.

[17.
I, Yosaham, like red panties]

The dungeon, created by the mechanic Yosaham to show off, was doing its job well.

I stared coldly at the sentence in the middle of a fork in the road.

I lifted my eyes to the fork in the road and saw ‘yes’ on one side and ‘no’ on the other.

Crazy to himself.

Seventeen forks in the road, seventeen doors, and every single piece of information he’d gleaned about the world was so personal and trivial.
Was this some sort of sophisticated psychological warfare to toy with the mages who would analyze the magic circuitry?

I patted my heart to calm my rising irritation.

Based on the information I had so far, the answer was about 92 per cent yes.

“I think it’s this way…”

Why did I get to know Yosaham’s tastes so well?

My eyes fluttered in self-doubt.

Another minute of walking, and three new doors appeared.

[1-1+3-2=?]

They were labelled 0, 1, and -1.

This is what happens when you take a wrong turn: you’re presented with a relatively easy and normal problem.
A normal, but insincere problem.

No, you didn’t like red panties? You said you liked red! You said you liked red in question 3!

“…I don’t think this is the way to go, warrior.”

I’m out of energy.

As I walked alongside the warrior, he spoke softly.

“Cylon, aren’t your legs hurting?”

It turns out, no one cares more about my aching legs than the warrior.
I was touched, and yes, I may be overreacting, but I couldn’t ask for a better warrior.
Those of us who are physically fit don’t always appreciate the stamina of researchers….
A true leader, indeed.

“A little…?”

I was trying to sneak up on him.

“I hear it’s very, very, very difficult to use two kinds of magic at the same time.”

Oh, really? That was close.

But I wasn’t in a position to take it easy.
For some reason, my legs felt even more painful after the warrior’s question.
I glanced down at my toes grimly.

“So, Cylon, do you want me to carry you?”

“What?”

“Because you’re struggling like this, and there’s nothing I can do.”

I felt so bad for him.
The warrior made a face.
My eyes fell on his broad back.

You know, it would be nice to ride on my back….
But we’re in a crisis right now.
Should I pamper him for my own comfort?

“What? Can’t I?”

But that’s what you’re asking for? I didn’t ask for it first? The warrior wants to do something.

I closed my eyes tightly.

And when I opened my eyes, my vision was high because I was on the back of the warrior.
The hand of the warrior who supported me was too stable.
Wow, the warrior must have a talent for piggybacking.
It’s a crime to rot this talent.
Well!

“Wow, oh.”

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, yes.
You’re the best.”

The warrior burst into laughter at my sincere response.
Every time he laughed, it sent a vibration through my belly against his back.

“Then let’s go.”

The warrior must have been in a good mood.
The speed was no joke.
In an instant, he returned to the forked road and took the other way.
The wind bowed my head.

“Huh? Wait! Mohan, stop!”

Squeak.

Just now, didn’t you hear something like a rubber tire scratching on the floor?

I glanced down at the warrior’s feet with suspicion.
But neither the floor nor his feet were damaged.

“What’s going on?”

The warrior’s words brought me back to reality.
I asked him to take a few steps backwards.

There was a strange circuit in the middle of the road, alone.
It didn’t feel like a magical circuit; it felt more like the hints he’d seen posted at forks in the road and on doors.

I blinked a few times, then focused on the circuit.

[Do you think you know too much about me? If so, you’re going downhill from here]

A very meaningful phrase was written in the middle of the road.

I flicked his hand away from my thigh and slid it down.
I could feel him looking at me questioningly.

I reached for the floor tile directly in front of the sentence before the explanation.
My fingers, which were supposed to touch the floor, went straight through it.
The sensation in my hand was an empty void.

“Huh?”

Even if I had vaguely anticipated the outcome, I was still baffled.

Was I really supposed to fall? Was this a trap that was too kind? Who would fall for this?

In my panic, I stared at my wrist, which appeared to be severed.

“Warrior! Wizard! Right? Right!”

I heard a small voice through my hand, connected to the space beyond the floor.
I jerked my hand away, startled.
It was quiet again.

I jerked my head back to look at him.
The warrior was looking at my hand, which he was holding awkwardly with a serious expression on his face.

“Just now….”

I managed to get the single word out.

He sneaks up beside me and squats down, this time putting his arm through the floor tiles where I’d reached for it.

“Hey! Can’t you hear me?”

This time the voice was thick and gruff.

It was Regs, no doubt.

“What happened?”

I used my magic to lower myself to the straw floor.

Herrin opened her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Well, the spirits said they had something good for me, so I followed them to this dungeon, and up until then, I thought I was following everyone….
We walked into the dungeon unprepared, and it was impossible to get back out, so we just walked….”

They said that there must be spirits, and that they were going to quickly pass through the dungeon and find the warrior and me with the reward.
Reg’s shield was perfect for dodging the flying traps, and they used the spirits to help them through the rest of the dungeon, so it wasn’t as difficult as they thought.

She said she felt like she was on a picnic until the floor suddenly disappeared, and she looked upset when she said it was too easy and fell to the bottom.

I asked, puzzled.

“What about the golem? What did you do with the rock golem?”

“What? There was a rock golem?”

Judging by the look of surprise on Herrin’s face, and the disbelieving blush on Reg’s, they really hadn’t met a golem.

I thought for a moment and came up with a theory.

“Could it be… that there was a section of tiles in the center of the path that you deliberately didn’t step on?”

The Rock Golem’s spawn condition was: ‘Launch when the center tile is stepped on in a specific section’.
I had noted the appearance condition when I investigated the golem, and when I examined the tiles afterwards, there was a tile with a slightly different magic circuit five paces away from the wall where the golem had appeared.

“Oh, there was that one place where Sylph said there was an unpleasant tile and told me to avoid it.”

“Wow, that must have been a really subtle difference, and you picked up on it….”

It’s amazing how you can pick up on that subtle flow of energy when you hate artificial energy.
The spirits and I didn’t get along too well, either.

I didn’t encounter any rock golems, and if I avoided the conditional traps like that, the dungeon was easy enough for the two of us.
I’m sure there were even spirits guiding us through the dungeon, using the word ‘unpleasant’ to describe their behaviour.

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling even more tired.

Somehow, I felt guilty.
I’d worked too hard.
I looked inside my body and saw that my magic power was down by half.
I can’t continue like this.
I’m going to end up in the ‘hardworking and enthusiastic colleague’ position.

With a burst of determination, I find a corner with the thickest straw and crouch down.

“It’s break time.”

I pursed my lips and the three nodded obediently.

The warrior began to rummage through the treasure chest in the center of the room, the other two following closely behind him, asking questions about what had happened.
It was a very peaceful scene.