I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

Chapter 53 Sailor Moon

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The man outside the door continued to ring the doorbell.
It appeared he would keep pressing it until they opened the door.

 

The shrill doorbell sounded repeatedly.

 

The two scum with barely five combat power[1] trembled and huddled together inside the door.

 

“Brother, brother…Do you think this looks like The Ring[2]?” Bai Yu’s teeth clattered.

 

Wang Xiaomie was silent for a minute as he peered out the window at the pitch-black night and the doorbell ringing ceaselessly at the door.

 

Stop talking! Shit, it's really quite similar.

 

“…Let's go upstairs and hide.
We just need to hold out until Fengjin comes back!” Wang Xiaomie lowered his voice and murmured to Bai Yu, “Go, be quiet.”

 

Bai Yu nodded fervently, and the two crouched behind the sofa, cautiously moving towards the stairs.
The harsh doorbell abruptly ceased ringing at this point.

 

When the large room suddenly quieted down, Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu froze in place and glanced at each other.

 

Da Bai swallowed and turned to face Wang Xiaomie, asking, “Why didn't he keep pressing it…is it possible that he left?”

 

“I don't think that’s possible.” Wang Xiaomie straightened up slightly and glanced at the porch, “Wait a minute! This thing won’t come in, right?!”

 

“F*ck, don't scare me!” Bai Yu's usually dark complexion turned pale with fear as he glanced back and forth with wide black eyes after hearing what was spoken.
He could likely scare himself to death without even waiting for the monster to come in.

 

While checking the room, Wang Xiaomie consoled him: “Don't you know how to refine weapons? You've also tracked others.
You have no need to be terrified of a monster!”

 

“I wasn't scared before because I thought I could beat him,” Bai Yu muttered.

 

Wang Xiaomie, who had looked around but had not found anyone, heard this and shrank back to inquire, “What about now?”

 

The dark and swarthy Bai Yu admitted honestly, “Now I think I thought too much.”

 

“…”

 

Wang Xiaomie was speechless.
The corners of his mouth twitched as he sat with his back to the sofa, not daring to move.
Bai Yu huddled up to the side as well.

 

'Knock, knock, knock.'

 

'Knock, knock, knock.'

 

“Da Bai, can you stop trembling? Your feet are shaking like pile driving,” Wang Xiaomie said, turning his head.

 

“I'm not trembling,” Bai Yu said, perplexed.

 

Wang Xiaomie: “You say you're not trembling, so what's that pounding sound?”

 

Bai Yu: “You are trembling?”

 

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Wang Xiaomie glared at him: “Nonsense! Even if I tremble, my slippers can't create this sound.”

 

“But, I'm also wearing slippers!”

 

“…”

 

When they looked at one another, they could see the panic in each other's eyes.
“If it's not you or me, who is it? Could it be…”

 

'Knock, knock, knock.'

 

'Knock, knock, knock.'

 

When he heard the sound so close by, Bai Yu almost burst into tears.
Wang Xiaomie's expression changed dramatically as well.
He listened intently for a time and discovered that the sound was coming from the French window opposite the sofa in the living room.

 

Wang Xiaomie extended his hand and poked Bai Yu next to him, gesturing, 'It's the French window over there – let's take a look together-'

 

Bai Yu nodded with pallid lips; Wang Xiaomie counted softly, “1~2~3!”

 

Two heads, one black and one white, popped out from behind the sofa to peer out the French window.
When they noticed a grinning man in home-wear staring at them and knocking on the glass with a bent finger, their hair 'raised' and a film of cold sweat appeared on their backs!

 

“F*ck, f*ck, f*ck!!!”

 

Bai Yu screamed and drew Wang Xiaomie behind the sofa.
Wang Xiaomie's heart was pounding as he gasped in shock.

 

“Why hasn't Boss Wen returned yet——!” Bai Yu wanted to cry but had no tears as he stared at Wang Xiaomie.
“Brother, you are a good person.
The other party is out to get me.
I'll open the door and rush out in a moment.
You, you flee to the second floor and hide.
I'll eat the steak you cooked in the next life.”

 

Wang Xiaomie had not expected the cowardly Bai Yu to be courageous at this moment.
His loyalty touched him, but when he heard that despite his anxiety, this chap didn't forget they were eating steak tonight, he couldn't help but laugh.

 

Wang Xiaomie had this problem.
The more nervous he was, the more terrified he was, the lower his bar for humor would be, so he couldn't help but laugh out loud.
The pressure was relieved significantly after laughing.

 

He patted Da Bai on the shoulder: “Don't worry, we're not going to die.
Think of what happened to that girl's affair yesterday.
Didn't we come out on top? So, your weapon is on the first floor, and my dagger is on the second.
Let's rush to our rooms and then come downstairs to kill this sonofabit*h!”

 

Moreover, Wen Fengjin would return in five minutes.
No matter how, they had to brace themselves until that moment.

 

Bai Yu wiped the cold sweat from his brow and nodded emphatically: “OK!”

 

They quietly changed their positions after nodding at each other, ready to leap out at any minute, but then a blood-curdling screech erupted from outside the window!

 

Then came the dull and violent sound of combat!

 

Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu's eyes lit up as they heard the sound: could it be that Wen Fengjin had returned?

 

The two slowly stretched their heads outside, only to discover that the man outside the French window had vanished.
Wang Xiaomie hesitated before saying, “Wait for me here, I'll take a look.”

 

After speaking, he picked up the little teapot next to the sofa and was about to go over, but Bai Yu grabbed him and said, “Brother, don't go, I'll go first! If there is anything, I can run faster than you.”

 

But I'm immortal! Do you have an endless 'save file'? You will be thoroughly dead once you die.

 

However, sensing Da Bai's determination, Wang Xiaomie could only answer, “Let's go together, it'll be safer.”

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“Okay.”

 

So the two of them, one holding a teapot and the other a vase, walked softly towards the French window, twisting their 'weapons' in their hands.
The sound of the struggle progressively became clearer, while at the position outside the window where the man had stood a minute before was a pool of a black paint-like substance, most likely blood.

 

The battle appeared to be taking place in the villa's courtyard.
Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu were almost dumbfounded when they stuck their noses to the French window and gazed over at the people fighting together.

 

 After a while.

 

Wang Xiaomie rubbed his eyes and questioned Bai Yu blankly: “Is it possible that I'm going blind? Why do I think I've seen Sailor Moon?”

 

Bai Yu's throat bobbed as he foolishly stated, “I haven't seen the Sailor Moon animated series…
But if you call the girl wearing a blue and white short skirt with golden double ponytails, a moon headband on her head, and a blood-stained magic wand in her hand knocking hard on people's heads Sailor Moon, then yeah…”

 

“……”

 

“……”

 

Wang Xiaomie buried his face in his hands. It’s really Sailor Moon! What a strange Sailor Moon! What Day is it today? Tandem Play?

 

Shouldn't it be some Lin Daozhang[3] or Mao Daozhang who defeats this type of zongzi? I know costumes are expensive, but did you have to cosplay as Sailor Moon to tease us?

 

And it's a f*cking manic version, too? Is it fun to have blood flying into the air with the ponytail? Are you using Sailor Moon's magic wand as a brick wheel?!

 

That ferocious-looking man had been beaten and had vomited blood!

 

“Ahhh – I'm going to kill you – ah ah ah!” The ferocious-looking man on the ground, his skin and meridians exposed, struggled frantically.
The man had scarcely finished threatening when he was repeatedly pounded into miserable shrieks by 'Sailor Moon's' staff, who was expressionless yet was unusually savage.

 

A small pool of blood had formed on the ground.

 

The dull thumping sound made one feel the same pain.

 

Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu couldn't help but frown.
They couldn't bear looking straight at the sight and covered their eyes with their palms, peeking between their fingers.

 

And it was clear that it was a one-sided thrashing.

 

The strange and beautiful girl was clearly far more powerful than the freakish man.
The man or monster on the ground soon ceased to move, and she shook off the blood on the magic wand.
Her sweet face and her entirely indifferent demeanor as she stood up did not match at all.
Her attractive eyes met Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu coldly, and she moved over without saying anything.

 

When Wang Xiaomie noticed the viscous black liquid running down from the somewhat childish magic wand, he quickly pulled Bai Yu and took a step back.

 

Ghosts knew what this strangely dressed but ruthless 'Sailor Moon' who appeared at the house door in the middle of the night would do!

 

Bai Yu recovered his senses as he glanced at the girl who was slowly approaching them, backing away uneasily while warning with complete lack of confidence.

 

“What, what are you doing?! I warn you: don't think because you're a girl that I won't strike you!”

 

'Sailor Moon' on the opposite side froze for a moment and then stopped, just as Wang Xiaomie was about to say, 'It would be great if they didn't beat us up.'

 

Wang Xiaomie: Huh?! Did it really work?!

 

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“F*ck, is my domineering aura already so awesome?” Bai Yu was clearly surprised as well, and he laughed a bit smugly.

 

The puppet-like blank 'Sailor Moon' opposite them shuddered from head to toe before he could finish being complacent.

 

Her appearance startled Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu.
Wang Xiaomie frowned and hesitantly called out to her: “Hey, little girl, are you alright? Hello?”

 

“She can't be hurt or sick, can she?” Bai Yu was nervous as well: “You know what? Even touching porcelain[4] don’t play like this!”

 

“Why don't we go see her?” Wang Xiaomie expressed this.

 

“But, what if she's a bad person?” An ordinary human couldn't possibly have beaten that monster into this state, could they? Bai Yu looked at Wang Xiaomie with some hesitation.

 

But before they could reach a decision, the lovely girl collapsed to her knees with a thud, right in front of Wang Xiaomie.

 

Wang Xiaomie: …Aiqing[5], please rise.
I don't have a red envelope.

 

They noticed Wen Fengjin standing behind the 'beautiful girl' and lightly raising his right hand when she half-knelt down.

 

Wen Fengjin grasped the shopping bag in one hand, the fingertips of the other slightly curled, and the red pattern on his glabella became even more vivid due to his black attire and silver hair, while his deep pupils flashed crimson and gloomy.

 

The pretty girl on the ground embraced her body even harder in pain when his lifted hand moved slightly.
The unseen wind stirred, and the difficult-to-breathe atmosphere reminded Wang Xiaomie of Wen Fengjin's dealings with Yan Chun and the others in the underground palace.

 

“Xiao Wenzi!”

 

“Boss Wen!”

 

When Wang Xiaomie spotted Wen Fengjin, he immediately felt relieved, and his face brightened up with joy.
Wen Fengjin, on the other hand, shook his head just as Bai Yu was ready to go outside.

 

“Is the thing on the ground yours?” he asked, turning his head to look at the corner where the darkness was not illuminated by the dim light.

 

Something moved in the shadows and gradually materialized in their line of sight.

 

It was a man with a long braid and jacket in his early years.
He appeared to be under thirty years old, with a young and attractive appearance, like a gentle scholar from a distinguished family.
His dark hair, however, was peppered with gray, like people in their 50s and 60s.

 

With his hands clasped behind his back, the corners of his mouth perked up slightly.
His long, narrow eyes should have given him the appearance of a fox, but he looked gentle.

 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Guys, don't be angry.
I'm also a 'craftsman,' and this foolish child in my family has been following this zombie for quite some time.” He cupped his hands in greeting to Wen Fengjin: “For the sake of saving those two, please spare my child.”

 

This man possessed a maturity and stability that belied his appearance, like an aloof self-cultivating elderly sage.
His smile appeared genuine, and his voice was sincere enough that it was difficult to be upset by him.

 

A great pressure and powerful force slammed past him just as he finished speaking.
It could instantly crush a person's internal organs and send him to the hospital, yet the man standing opposite did not even change his smile, remaining in the hands cupped posture.

 

“Save?” Wen Fengjin gave him a half-smile and let go of the hand that was controlling the strange female on the ground.
“You can take her away, but the only thing you can bring back the next time I see her 'saving' anything from here is her head.”

 

“I will absolutely keep it in mind,” the man nodded and said as he straightened up, his demeanor unaffected.

 

The man lowered his hands after speaking, the smile on his serene and intelligent face faded, and he walked to the girl's side.
With one hand, he picked up the girl who was lying still on the ground and held her in his arms as if she were his daughter.

 

He also tapped the tip of the young lady's nose.
“Let's see if you're still naughty and proud.
You've been taught a lesson, haven’t you?”

 

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He appeared to be reprimanding, but his tone was quite soft.
He straightened up and was about to leave with the child in his arms when he caught sight of the person on the other side of the glass window.

 

The man's face seemed astonished, and his slender eyes widened slightly.
He seemed to take two unintentional steps forward, his forehead brushing against the glass.

 

He instantly came to a halt, however, as a slow-moving line of blood emerged on his white neck, a little scarlet oozing out from the inside and staining the jacket's collar.

 

“Take your eyes off him,” Wen Fengjin said from behind him.
“That belongs to me,” his eerie voice crept into the two men's ears.

 

“I've truly—offended.” The man curled his fingers, took a step back, and resumed his friendly and cheerful demeanor.

 

“However, you have a really good collection.
That is to say, he may run into a little trouble.
I've dealt with similar situations before, so you can come to me at any time if you need help.”

 

The man carefully placed a business card on the ground after tapping his shoulder with his finger.

 

“Then, see you later.”

 

The man in the jacket who was holding the strange girl disappeared outside the villa.

 

Sharpened fingers twirled the card on the ground after finally regaining calm.

 

Wang Xiaomie jumped atop Wen Fengjin after opening the French window.
He hurriedly recounted the thrilling scenario that had just occurred, while Bai Yu breathed a sigh of relief and replaced the vase.

 

The other side.

 

A handsome man with graying hair in a braid and wearing a jacket strolled down the silent road, holding a girl in his arms.

 

He supported the girl who was slipping again, smiled affectionately at the person in his arms, and asked, “Isn't he wonderful? Even better than the visitor we had?”

 

“Did you also disobey my orders because of him?”

 

“…”

 

“You can't do this again.
We can’t afford to offend the person beside him.”

 

“…”

 

“Okay, okay, don't be grumpy.
Soon…”

 

The man raised his head to gaze at the moon hanging in the dark night sky.

 

“He’ll definitely come looking for me…”

Footnotes:

[1] A Dragon Ball reference.
It means they're terrible at fighting.

[2] A 1998 Japanese suspense thriller film based on Suzuki Koji's suspenseful science fiction novel “The Ring.”

[3] Daoist/Taoist priest.

[4] Refers to a widespread fraud in PRC involving deliberately crashing cars and then demanding compensation.

[5] The Emperor's term for his subjects.
It basically means, “My dear officials.” During the Song dynasty, aiqing was a word used to describe a brothel woman.
I'll leave it up to you to figure out which one Xiaomie means.
Personally, I feel he is using “dear official.”

Translator:

A new character! What do you think, guys? Friend or foe? He's a craftsman, so perhaps he's Bai Yu's future shifu?