Solitary [Me&You]

I understood the cruelty of reality long before my time to understand it. The people who would ridicule me simply because of my speech, laughter and mockery was all I heard and I detested it to the very depths of my heart. A victim a bullying, I was and even the shouts I screamed that even heaven could hear remained obscure to those so-called righteous men. Someone like me trying to make friends only results in answer of rejection, ” I tried ”, I always told myself. I would repeat these thoughts in my mind as to not mentally break down and convince myself that I am not alone, perhaps it was a way to cope with my loneliness and continue in this troubled world aimlessly, simply spiraling into a bottomless abyss. The very concept to be different confounds society and such a thing cannot be accepted, I knew. If someone asked me, do you despise humanity? I would say yes. Why you may ask?

Humanity is a species that fail to comprehend the heart. No, they are a species that understand it very well but are able to twist it into something terrifying. Something absolutely scary where even you and me would be dumbfounded by the innate evil of humans. They would confuse what is Truth and False and what might be False may be True. Such a notion is why people like me suffer in silence because a truth can be twisted into a lie to benefit those in a higher societal standing than me where even if I were plead to God I would only wake up to reality and realize the real Truth and that is that I am useless because I don know how to be useful. I am weak because I am not strong, I cannot fight because I don know how and I am lost because I cannot find that slight glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. I am walking a road of endlessness. I plead for help; someone please save me. A voice yearning of freedom and love, a wish I hope that can one day come true…, but I know it is all trivial.

Ive always asked myself why I am alive, why I breathe, why I feel, why I am always reminded of my own insignificance in this world. If the world already has the people it needs, the people who can do far more than I, achieve more than I, then what is the point of my existence? Jealously? Pride?, Ego? I am a person who has never cared about such minor things as I was shaped by my hateful experiences to leave it all behind and let go. What I have left in the end? Nothing.

I can only look up and gaze at the shimmering moon overhead that takes center stage, as the many stars congregated around as though the crown of the moon, a gentle night breeze pervading tranquility yet contradictory to the internal struggle and the sound of absolute silence to only accompany such a beauty of nature. A dream of peace is something I can only long for and here I stand on a ledge with my arms spread wide continuing my longing gaze at the moon.

What is my purpose? What is my reason for living if all I have to give is nothing to no one but my torn soul? Who can save me if my own existence is as insignificant as the grass I tread on a daily basis?

I could feel my heart beating faster, the heat circumnavigating my whole body to the point where even drops of sweat trickled down from my head. The irises in my eyes shrunk as I began to lean forward over the ledge. My breathing grew thin and I finally took in the last scenery, branding it onto my soul. A deep breath, I took and the end eventuality was a darkness so abysmal that I gave up any chance of turning back. The cold night air collided with my bod